Standing there in front of me, a man with deep brown eyes and dark brown hair, and oh with his smile. My beating heart betrays me; it aches me knowing you are now back. My thought wanders a few years ago, when I saw you walking away. It hurt me thou, my heart was bleeding. A hard bleeding no bandage could stop. Oh, if only you were there seeing me after heartlessly you left me.
My body is shaking. I pray a lot for my legs not to collapse in a minute like a jelly on my weekend desert. And, my mouth is sealed. I look at those lips. Remembering I used to taste it and I still long for it. Until, you say something. “Hi, there.”
What do you want? my voice inside speaks. Instead, I reply “Hi.”
I think you don’t deserve my hi. I should walk away like what you did on a summer day five years ago. I was stoned that day. Consider that I would’ve die tomorrow when sun rose. But, it is cruel. I stay alive to watch you standing in front of me in this snowy afternoon.
“How are you?” You ask this silly question. Oh please don’t show that smile, smile that I always want to forget. I buried. I am just a few days away of my victory getting over you. I hope. You just break it, my hardwork, in a second. How powerful!
“Good.” Such a lie. “And you?” I can’t believe myself asking you back. You should run! I shout to myself. Again, my legs betray me. I stand still. Tell me, I hate how my body doesn’t work the way my thought. My body and my heart, likely, belong to you. Until this time. Really?
“Not too good, but it is okay.” That smile again. “Where are you heading? Can I walk you?”
No. No. No. “I am on my way home. Still waiting that bus. 62 bus.” That long answer I shouldn’t let spill out of my mouth. Hey, my lips! Stop betraying me, please! At least stay in my side.
Five seconds silent. Thanks God! Let me think for a while, preparing some wise words to say. A wise goodbye, a proper one from me. Can I?
“Would you allow me to see you in your door step?” You pull me back into my real in time situation. Mean time.
“Sure.” Well, I’ve just cursed myself.
That time, I hate myself more than I hate you.
“You do good? Still working hard, yeah?”
I can see your artery in your neck. I like the way your low voice reaches my ears.
“It’s been a year ago. I quit. I am now teaching.”
“Wow, it’s been a long time thou.” A silent that I can’t resist. “You know, I miss you Nina.”
Suddenly, you put me on your arms and hold me tight as I will run. That smell of sandalwood and red musk pushes into my lung. I can’t breathe. I can see my bus passes me. But, I enjoy this moment. Well, it seems like I can’t hate you.
To be continued, next day perhaps (?)