Working Mom vs. Stay At Home Mom

Every mom wants to be the best for her child: to do what is the best for her child. However, the judgments of society continue to be there and drag the moms down out there. I am writing this post after I get many people curl their lips at me. So, for moms who are experiencing the same thing, here is my toast for you.

I decided to go back to work after giving birth to my first child. My husband is busy in the lab, then I also work. The question is: who is looking after our daughter? This question is coming from my friends and family. Since we don’t live in Indonesia, of course our big family and friends knew perfectly well that we don’t have any extra help unless we hire a babysitter which we don’t. My mom has stayed with us for almost 3 months but she has to get back to Indonesia. Thus, the only option we had is leaving her in the daycare.

Many have questioned my decision to return to work and my husband allowed me to work. But, I don’t care enough to stop myself from doing what I’m doing: being a working mom. I return to work for many reasons. For me, working gives me intellectual stimulation, keeps me connected to the outside world, and makes me less stressful if I stay home 24/7.

But there is this very powerful thing that we call a social media. It has brought moms out there to sneer at each other. I am well aware that Stay At Home Moms is a formidable mom because they are able to overcome a human’s main enemy: boredom. They are able to spend valuable time at home and take care of the family’s necessities from A to Z.

To be honest, I  feel tired with all the debates about these two types of moms.

We are both parents. We want the best for our children. We recognize ourselves better than others. Whatever decision my husband and I take is the best we think and we realize it is not necessarily good for my cousins’, my friends’, my neighbors’ family, or any family in the other side of the world. Vice versa. So, I don’t care.

I spent my 5,5 years in my universities for my degrees. My parents fought for us to live off in our hard time. I just don’t want to give that up. Therefore, I work. I don’t want my daughter feel the same. It’s just a natural feeling. I decide to ‘help’ my husband paying our bills, movie tickets, or pizza delivery because me cooking a proper dinner is only happened on our weekend. I really appreciate the Stay At Home Moms who always get up to date about what is a good parenting. They can capture every single move their children do. They can cook a good meal for their children and husbands. They can have their own time to try a newest skincare.

But again, there is a price to be paid. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, my dear self.

There are some of my friends in social media who almost always indicate that they are a good example of parenting because they are a Stay At Home Mom. Yes, Dear. You are good for your child and yes it is according to you. But that’s not necessarily good for me and my child. I don’t want to look down your decisions for all the reasons behind that you may not work not out of self-will but a compelling condition: your husband forbids, you don’t fit to any job offer, or you just fail to get a job. The thing that really annoys me is that you simply point out that I’m a type of ‘failed and worst’ mom.

I just want to say that we all want our children to grow up healthy and happy. We work hard for it whatever end we use and how much we spend. We are both mentally and physically tired at the end of our days in the office or at home. We are both short of time with our husbands. We are equally self-doubt about our decision. We are equally afraid that our child wants a different mom figure than we are today.

But, we are equally responsible for our little darling, our household, and the work outside. Mom is the first one to wake up in the middle of the night if the child is starving or in pain. Moms will stay up all night waiting for their children when they are sick. Don’t forget that we, moms, went through the pain when we delivered our little lives that we’ve created.

The debate about who’s the best mom and who’s the worst mom shouldn’t be a trend. The commonality of moms should make all moms out there reinforce each other instead of tearing down each other. Sometimes, the power comes from an unknown person who is equally suffering the same. So, you could be my strength and I could be yours. We should be an ally no matter what kind of mom you are and I am.

We have our own preference and live with that. So, please don’t be so teachy in that mean way.

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